Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
