Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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