i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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