So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
