He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
