there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
