i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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