Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
