Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
