I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
