Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
