Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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