Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
