Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
