this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
