He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
nutella sex= disaster
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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