I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
