Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
