A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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