Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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