Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
