Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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