Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
