What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize