oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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