I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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