its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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