k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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