he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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