Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
