yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
