you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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