I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
