Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
