There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
