Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
