I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
