I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
