someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
