It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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