I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
