I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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