I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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