Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
