Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize