He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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