I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
