Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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