if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
