I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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