I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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