i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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