I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
