Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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