found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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