I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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