I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
