Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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