she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
