You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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