Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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