I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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