When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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