This is not my ceiling
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
