Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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