I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
