dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me I should be a condom model.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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