I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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