This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
