trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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