oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
