New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
