Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
