You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
