Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
