i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
