You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
