I feel like abortions should bother me more
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
